Thanks to all my hard work, my hand is improving!
This is my first attempt at all new doodles (except for the doodles of My Brin) drawn mostly with my right hand. They are wibbly, and not at all up to my former standards — but considering that I couldn’t even hold a pen six weeks ago, I am very happy with them :)
There is a common idiom in the English language that some people “can't see the forest for the trees”. It is used to describe individual humans or groups of humans who get so focused on (often inconsequential) details, that they fail to see or comprehend the larger situation — such as getting so obsessed with the idea of banning plastic straws that they ignore all of the other single-use plastics that we throw out ever day, as well as the fact that plastic straws are necessary for some people with disabilities.
I tend to have the opposite problem; I am a person who can't see the trees for the forest. When faced with a project My Brain becomes overwhelmed by its scope, and also by all of the other projects that are waiting for me, and cannot see where I could possibly start.
When I want to write a blog, I know that I want a finished, polished product, with witty writing and little stick figure doodles; and if I can't picture the finished product in my head I won't even begin. My logical self knows that most people would jot down some notes or a quick doodle, write a rough draft, revise it a few times, plan the drawings, do the drawings in good copy, and then do one final revision of the text to make sure that it all works together — a series of manageable, bite-sized tasks spread out across days, weeks, or months. But My Brain wants me to produce a finished product on the first try, and thus I rarely put my fingers to the keyboard, or my pen to paper (or, since my injury, stylus to screen) — especially when I also have to cook, and clean, and work, and read, and study, and practice my ukulele, and do you know how many other things (sewing, knitting, pottery , hiking, volunteering) I want to start doing again? The inability to just sit down and get started is a big part of why my previous attempts at blogging haven’t lasted more than a few months.
And that's just when it comes to short little blogs of a few hundred words. The bigger the project, the worse it gets.
For years now I’ve wanted to get back to making YouTube videos (which I used to do under a previous alias about ten years ago) but I can’t get started because I want perfection. Even if I came up with a solid concept, and wrote a great script, and managed to record it with good sound, I’d then have to edit it, which is something I have no experience with. The video essayists I look up to make amazing, high production value content, and the longer I watch them the better they get, and how could I possibly make anything that was worth anyone’s time to watch? Compared to video essays blogs are easy, and look at how much I struggle with these.
I also suffer from an all or nothing mentality. This means that I want to do things 100% of the way, and it goes against all of my instincts to do them by halves or quarters or tenths, even if I intend to do the remaining fractions later. If the house could do with some tidying, that means that every dish and article of clothing needs to be clean, dry, and away; the kitchen and bathroom need to be sparkling; everything needs to be dusted, swept, vacuumed, and/or washed; the bed needs to be made with clean sheets; and I should probably also sort and organize paperwork, and possibly clean out my email. I can’t tackle a single leaf or branch, I need to do at least the whole tree — and some days My Brain wants to take on the entire forest.
The reality is that throwing my towels in the washer and vacuuming the living room is way better than doing nothing, but My Brain does not see things that way. My Brain wants the entire house to be clean all at once, and it's hard to convince it that if I don't have time to wash all of the dirty dishes before work, it's still a good idea to do a third of them so that there won't be as many (and it won't take as much time) when I get home. And some days, even if I do have time to do all the dishes, it's hard to see the point if I don't also have time to clean all the rest of the house.
I've been trying to teach myself to work differently, but it's hard. I do make sure to have my protein smoothie every morning, so that at least one meal is healthy (even if I occasionally follow it up with chips and chocolate for lunch). I am starting to teach My Brain that it's okay to clean the shower one day, and the sink the next, and the toilet two days after that.
I just {way back in April of 2016 during BloADaWriMo} wrote the first draft of this blog from beginning to end, with no editing, not even to correct typos, and no ideas for pictures yet. Later I can edit it to my heart's content {oh believe me, I did} and figure out what the drawings should be . . . but for a few minutes My Brain and I have managed to focus on this one tree.
